boytalk

i wear myself out. constantly. whether it’s physically or emotionally, when i go to sleep i am so tired. so fucking tired. i can’t figure out what’s missing in my life. well i mean, i know what’s missing. i just don’t know how to get it. tyler last weekend was like “every time you’re drunk you want me! just say it!” and it’s not that i want him. i was like “no…i just like being held by you.” and that’s really all i want. that sounds so stupid and girly. but really like…hooking up with guys i don’t have an interest in, just isn’t my thing. had to awkwardly tell brad yesterday that i had to be friends and that was it. when he was like “is that why you don’t text me back? you don’t want to lead me on?” and i said, “yeah and i just don’t really wanna put in effort or have the time to talk.” and it’s the truth! i don’t have time. i don’t want to get to know anyone. i want to be left alone. but i have someone who i like at the moment, and no one else really interests me.